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Friday, June 09, 2006

trivial trivia

i was hoping to find someone online. i don't really know why because i don't really have anything in particular that i want to say to anyone. but there isn't anyone anyway. so it doesn't matter how i feel. my pdoc has increased my sertraline and given me methylphenidate. i don't really know what that is but he says it should work faster than the rest. supposed to help me focus and maybe make me happy. hasn't given me the kind of euphoria i was hoping for. funny i used the word hoping. i don't know why i bother hoping, but i guess, one cannot possibly live without having some kind of hope in their life. one's got to have somewhere to run to, someone to turn to or something to seek comfort in. anyway, the new med gave me alittle headache and makes my heart beat faster initially, although i must have gotten over it by now since i hardly felt it over the last two days. i don't have much to say here, i don't why i clicked on the blogger dashboard. perhaps i just needed to do something while i'm lying here awake. i've been hoarding on my ami for some time now, taking sleeping tabs or whatever other stuff i can find to help me sleep instead. i kinda feel safe knowing that i have the lot of ami there if i need them, even though i'm alittle scared to take them all. its weird, i don't know if it makes sense to any of you. i don't know what strange dreams i'm going to have tonight. at least i'm not having nightmares like i used to. now i just wake up wondering why i meet all these strangers in my dreams and why they play such major roles in my dreams. i am also amazed by how my mind can unconsciously, while i'm asleep, make up such unusual stories that don't make much sense most of the time.

oh look, i found some things to say, albeit mostly scattered and incoherent.

Posted by tinylife | 6/09/2006 12:02:00 AM | E-mail this post

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Tiny I think I know why you are storing up your ami. It's not because you want to use them to do away with yourself. It's just like a kind of insurance in the background that you can hang on to. I've seen people use a pack of cigarettes when they are trying to quit. Or like me carrying around Xanax in case life gets too much for me. I don't want to die but it's comforting to know that if life gets too much I can put my own lights out for a while. I know this isn't healthy I just wanted to offer an explaination, the way I see it. Really I have a nerve to think any thing because I am not handling life to well at the moment either. I just feel numb, only dealing with things that present themselves (like work) and letting everything else slide under the carpet. I'm not down or anything. Maybe I am taling too much medication or something, I need to call Patti, just can't get it together enough. Looking at me being selfish and talking about me, I'm sorry. Hope you are feeling a little better today. What ever happened to the Chat in The Tower? Love&hugz, Linda

Posted by Anonymous linda | Friday, June 09, 2006 6:39:00 PM   

med changes make me have strange dreams.
I'm glad you have hope. We all could use a little hope in this world.

BTW... just got a new template from Denise, it's purty! If you want to stare at a sunset over the ocean, come take a look. If not, that's cool too.

Posted by Anonymous Babs | Friday, June 09, 2006 10:17:00 PM   

Thanks! I love it too! I hope you have sweet dreams of the beach tonight!

Posted by Anonymous Babs | Saturday, June 10, 2006 1:10:00 AM   

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voices in my head