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Sunday, June 18, 2006

happy father's day

i just got back from a wedding celebration of an ex-colleague from bp. i was rather under-dressed. most of them were in pretty dresses but i went in a simple skirt and blouse. didn't really enjoy the "reunion" with all my ex-colleagues, didn't have much to say to them. i wonder if they enjoyed themselves in such social occasions, they prob do since i was seeing smiley faces everywhere. the place was nice though. it is a standalone bunglow on a hilltop, sort of in the middle of a jungle, transformed into a restaurant and wine house, a very good place for a retreat. as i watched the couple take their vows, i felt nothing. it was empty inside, no joy whatsoever. and i wonder if others could feel their joy. somehow it didn't mean anything to me. its father's day today. i guess their fathers must be overjoyed to watch their children getting married, must have been such a special day for them. or not, i don't know. i know i saw my dad shedding a tear on my wedding day, although it didn't turn out as it should have. he didn't say much to me on that day, he was such a quiet man. but he didn't need to say anything, i understood how he felt at that time. anyhow, now that i'm back home, i just want to hide under my covers. that few hours of hanging around so many people, putting on a smile to match theirs was just way too much for me. thank god i'm back in my little safe haven, i need this time alone, it feels so good.

so, its father's day. i would have brought him out for a nice meal, he loves going out to eat and drink. i guess there isn't much i can do except to remember the good times and carry his spirit in my heart. god i miss him! i still can't seem to explain what losing someone does to you. i really thought that things would be better off for me if i could somehow forget my dad completely. but then again, i figured why would i want to do that? if he means so damn much to me, why should i forget him. alot of him is in me and that is what i need to carry on. i guess we will all be together when our time is up. it's just so hard trying to get to that point. i hold him each day in my heart and i look forward to seeing him when my time is up. happy father's day, dad. i love you.

Posted by tinylife | 6/18/2006 08:12:00 PM | E-mail this post

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Boy do I hear this post loud and clear. I hate being among a bunch of happy people when I am so down. I have been all week. Maybe it is because of Fathers Day I don't know. I do miss my Dad too and always will. I hope you are right about us all being together again one day.

I tried your chat. It didn't like my Netscape, but I will come back later with my Internet Explorer and try.

Posted by Anonymous PJ | Sunday, June 18, 2006 9:52:00 PM   

Oh Tiny I know where you are coming from, with your father and also with the going out. Whenever I go anywhere I can't wait to come home, just to be by myself even tho it isn't a healthy thing, and all I do is think depressing thoughts. I am thinking about my father today, too. Even after years he is always in my mind. I often wonder what he would make of the world today. Then I tell myself, maybe he is better off where he is in one way. I don't think he would be happy at all with the way the world is going. I like to think Daddy is watching over me from up where ever he is. I feel like this because many times I can feel advice saying "do this" or "don't do that", or watch out", and so forth. And there is always the Hawaiian music that crops up every now and then in my head/ Then I know he is thinking of me. Today is a day of rememberance for all our Dads who have passed, and well as a celebration of Dads who are still on this earth....I'm trying Mozilla just now, to see if I can post pictures with it. This is one of the things Bloffer Support told me to do because I complained about my pictures not getting thru. So maybe I can trry your chat thingy again...at least leave a message....Nice to talk to ya again Tiny and again thanks for a post that meant a lot to me...hugz, Linda

Posted by Anonymous linda | Sunday, June 18, 2006 10:27:00 PM   

How brave of you to go to the wedding.
It must be so hard missing your dad. Yes, his memory and memories of him will live on in your heart. It's a good place for them.

Posted by Anonymous Babs | Monday, June 19, 2006 8:35:00 AM   

i'm impressed that you got out and went to the wedding. good for you. i'm sure it would have been easier to stay home.

Posted by Anonymous Lisa | Tuesday, June 20, 2006 1:20:00 AM   

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